How to: What’s the Best Way to Break Up?

Separation Without Drama?

Let’s get one thing straight from the start – there isn’t a single, perfect way to break up, just like there isn’t an instruction manual for it. When the decision to break up is made by one or both partners, a whirlwind of emotions is often involved – sadness, anger, disappointment, fear, and perhaps even shock at first. While some breakups may happen respectfully and without harsh words, others may involve tears and conflict. It’s never easy.
In this article, we’d like to offer some general thoughts and tips that can help make a breakup smoother.

Honesty, Respect, and a “Good” Ending
During a breakup, honesty and respect are especially important for both sides. For instance, it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly about why you’re ending the relationship. Honesty and clarity can help both people find closure more easily.
At the same time, try to avoid causing any additional hurt, despite everything.
In retrospect, many people are grateful when things don’t escalate and when further wounds are avoided because one or both sides manage to stay calm.
For your own well-being, it can also be beneficial in the long run if you feel you handled the situation in a way that lets you move forward with a clear conscience.

You Can’t Change the Other Person, But You Must Be Able to Face Yourself
During a breakup (and often even before), the best sides of a person might not always come to light. It’s possible that your ex-partner might not act fairly, may say hurtful things, or even try to cause harm. As upsetting and painful as this can be, you should avoid lowering yourself to the same level. You can’t change the other person or their behavior, but you have control over how you respond.
It’s up to you whether you react to an insult with another insult, to accusations with more accusations—and continue the cycle. So: Think about how you want to behave, and who you want to be! What aligns with your values, and how might you choose to respond instead?

Friendly Contact or No Contact?
This depends on the situation. If you share children, it may be important to find a respectful way to interact with each other, such as avoiding speaking negatively about one another.
In relationships where you have experienced physical or emotional abuse—or even violence—and where separating has been difficult, a complete break in contact might be the best approach.
Even if the wounds are still deep and you feel that healing will take time, there may not be a need for further contact.
It’s perfectly okay to create distance and focus on yourself and your own life. 💪 This space can help with processing grief and starting fresh.

Take Care of Yourself and Be Good to Yourself

Over time, you will find more answers to these questions:

• What have you learned about yourself, despite the pain?
• What is important to you in life, and where do you want to focus your attention?
• Which people bring you joy, and who do you want to reconnect with?
• What have you been missing lately? What relationships or hobbies could you reignite?
• Few breakups happen for no reason. Where might you even feel a sense of freedom or relief?
• Maybe you’ve defined yourself very strongly as a partner, but you are so much more. Get to know yourself again. Who else are you? What makes you unique? What skills do you have?

We wish you all the best! 💚