Frequently Asked Questions: My Partner Wants an Open Relationship, but I Don't

What Can I Do If I Don't Want an Open Relationship?

If your partner wants an open relationship but that’s not something you’re comfortable with, it’s important to stand firm in your feelings and communicate this openly.

While we often hear and read about different relationship models, values like loyalty, commitment, and exclusivity are essential for many people in their relationships.

In Profemina counseling, women frequently express how important it is to feel that their partner stands by them, that they can rely on him, and that they can trust him–not just when it comes to future plans and starting a family, but even beforehand–whether the relationship is still relatively new or you’ve been together for a long time.
Perhaps your partner’s statement took you by surprise or even hurt you–and that’s completely understandable. The desire for an open relationship can feel unsettling. Thoughts like, “Am I not good enough for him?” or “Does he no longer want to be with me?” may arise, even making you question the entire relationship.

Have you and your partner had a chance to dive deeper into where this idea comes from or what they hope to gain from it? What values are important to them? Are there any needs that are not being met? Are they acting based on past experiences? Honest conversations could help you both understand each other better. You might also want to reflect on the different levels of your relationship: How are you currently connecting the most, and which area could perhaps use more attention?

• Couples in Love: You share emotional and physical closeness and enjoy being near one another.
• Connection: You share your inner thoughts and feelings with each other. You know how the other is doing and feel understood.
• Team/Family: You experience yourselves as a strong, well-coordinated team that works well together in daily life or on projects.
• Shared Values: You have common goals and values. You’re looking in the same direction and share a similar vision for life.

Couples therapy could also help you both uncover your deepest desires and explore what a shared path forward might look like. Perhaps your romantic relationship and close connection have taken a back seat to everyday life. In that case, it might be worth rekindling the “magic of the beginning” and investing in your bond anew.

Throughout this process, one of the most important things is to take the time to reflect on what truly matters to you in a relationship. It’s about you and your heart—independent of what others might say or do. What’s most important is that you feel safe and secure in your relationship and that you can trust your partner. Don’t let yourself feel pressured into agreeing to something that goes against your own values or instincts.

We wish you all the best 💚