New Father — What Is It Like?
- “I’m pregnant” – her three words can bring a world of change for you.
- Maybe you and your partner have already discussed having children and are excited about the news. Or perhaps the pregnancy happened sooner than expected or wasn’t planned at all, initially evoking a sense of apprehension.
- It’s completely understandable—and perfectly normal—if you need time to process this life-changing news.
First Time Dad
Feeling fully prepared for life with a baby is rarely a reality. And yet, suddenly, you know: I’m going to be a dad! This is no longer an abstract idea in the distant future but something very concrete and immediate. At this point, many men start asking themselves big questions: What will it be like? Can I be a good father? What are the things that really matter in life? How do I prepare for this?
To shed light on these questions, we asked an expert—Friedrich, soon-to-be father of three—to share what it is like to be a dad:
Before it all began, what were your expectations about first-time fatherhood?
"I’m the youngest of three children, so I didn’t really know what to expect. I hadn’t spent much time around babies and rarely got to hold one. Honestly, I was afraid I might drop it! But here’s what I learned—something that applies to fatherhood in general: You learn as you go and quickly adapt to new challenges."
What was different than expected? What surprised you?
"The fear that you’ll 'lose your freedom' when becoming a dad is, in my opinion, largely unfounded. A lot of that is blown out of proportion. You can go almost anywhere with your first child, such as your favorite pizza restaurant. You just bring the baby along. Sure, you might not be able to go night-clubbing, but honestly, by a certain age, that kind of thing feels a bit 'outdated' anyway.
And once you start having more kids, the family becomes a closer-knit unit. Something new develops, something so special that you gladly let go of the old. I don’t want to sugarcoat it, but I think the idea that you’d resent your kids for not being able to stay out until 4 a.m. is seriously flawed.
Speaking of nights, people always ask if you can still get enough sleep. Honestly, I was surprised—it’s not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Sure, the baby cries sometimes, but you just go to bed earlier during this phase of life. Plus, I’m lucky to be a sound sleeper and to have an amazing wife who gives the baby its nighttime feeding. :)))))"
What other tips for new dads do you have (such as balancing work and family)?
"Everyone has to find their own way of doing things. Instead of giving tips, I just want to encourage any expectant father: You have something huge to look forward to: Coming home in the evening to your child waiting for you, running into your arms, hugging you, and saying they love you is much more beautiful and fulfilling than you can imagine."
How would you describe the father-child relationship?
"It all happens naturally. I don’t think there’s any one-size-fits-all formula for it."
What would you like to say to a first-time father?
"I believe that being a father means you’ve truly achieved something in life. It’s incomparable to anything else. It definitely beats adventure travel or extreme sports; all of that seems childish afterward. I want every man out there to know this: By giving life to a child, you are continuing a line of countless generations. There’s no greater way of saying 'yes' to who you are!"
(Unexpectedly) Pregnant – The Relationship in Tension
It’s completely understandable if you are initially not excited about an unexpected pregnancy and feel like you are in shock. For most men, this news triggers an internal process of analyzing the situation: How is our relationship? Can we both handle the responsibility of raising a child? How are we doing financially? What about our work situations?
While women tend to experience a wide range of emotions early on—ranging from joy to worry—men often initially focus on practical considerations. This can lead to disagreements and diverging points of view early on. Even though both partners are affected, each experiences the first weeks of pregnancy very differently.
💁♀️ Women experience the physical changes of pregnancy firsthand—oftentimes struggling with early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and other effects of hormonal changes. Emotionally, this phase can also be challenging because feelings are often intensified. As a result, she may react more strongly or be more sensitive and might not seem like her usual self. But don’t worry—this commonly subsides after a few weeks.
🙎♂️ You, as her male counterpart, might still find it challenging to fully grasp or accept the news. After all, during the early stages of pregnancy, there are no visible symptoms, and you are not physically experiencing any changes. Unlike women, you don’t have the support of hormones to help prepare you for and ease you into this huge responsibility. As a result, everything might feel abstract and difficult to process from this outside perspective.
Maybe the two of you already agree on how to proceed with the pregnancy. Or perhaps the situation is tense, and you find yourselves leaning in different directions?
I can imagine becoming a dad for the first time, but she’s unsure
Even if the initial surprise was overwhelming and you both needed time to come to terms with it, perhaps you are now beginning to see yourself as the father of this baby and are ready to take a leap into the unknown. That’s wonderful!—Your confidence can inspire your partner to embrace this journey.
Many women long for support from the baby's dad, especially during this time of uncertainty and change. They want to hear their partner say that he is there for her and that they can do this together. You can be her rock, her safe place to weather this storm!
Periods of uncertainty will likely come and go. This makes it all the more important to keep the goal in sight and be there for each other.
Remember, women usually feel most supported when their partners initially just listen and pay attention to them. It can be overwhelming for her to be presented with various solutions right away—even if problem-solving is your strength and something she deeply appreciates about you.
During the emotional whirlwind and physically exhausting early stages of pregnancy, what helps many women most is being met with compassion, active listening, and love. Addressing her needs and concerns and offering her a sense of security will lay the best foundation. From there, you can gradually work together to explore solutions and take them one step at a time:
- What can you do together to gain more stability and hope?
- What is most important and needs to be addressed as soon as possible?
- Where can you find support and reassurance, for example, from friends and family?
- What financial support options are available?
For more support options, go to:
💪🏻 Amidst everything, it might help to focus on your unique strengths: What sets you apart as a couple? What have you already overcome together? Which strengths can you now bring into this situation? Check out more topics on relationships here.
If you feel that real-time counseling would be beneficial, contact your nearest pregnancy resource center.
ℹ️ Would you like to seek advice on your own? Whether you want to know how to best support your partner or have specific questions, your local pregnancy resource center is also happy to assist you without your partner being present.
I cannot imagine becoming a father —What should I do?
Maybe your partner has hinted or outright said that she longs to have the baby. Does this scare you because you can’t imagine having a baby right now? Perhaps you are not in a committed relationship, and having a baby together feels completely out of place? Or you might be worried about losing your freedom or taking on such a huge responsibility.
Understandably, having contrasting opinions on such a life-changing decision can be incredibly challenging. Here are some thoughts we’d like to share with you:
- 👀 Change in Focus—Viewing Life Through Her Eyes:
Viewing the situation from her perspective may be helpful. What might motivate her to want this baby? What opportunities or hopes does she identify in this situation? How would it feel for her to face a decision about the life or death of this baby while already physically and emotionally experiencing the developing baby within her? Considering the impact on her may help you know how to best communicate with her about it. Ultimately, according to most regional laws, she gets to make the final call. - 🕰 Time and Space:
You might both find it helpful to take some time to let everything sink in and calmly think things through. Pressing the pause button can offer the inner freedom you may be longing for, and that freedom allows you to shape this moment into something uniquely yours—even in an unplanned situation. Ask yourself: Looking back, what do I want to pride myself in? Could, perhaps, careful consideration and thoughtful reflection be the first steps toward proving my stamina? If this is the case, taking a timeout may be crucial for you right now. Just make sure to communicate this to her. - 📝 Taking Stock:
What exactly is causing your concerns? Are they practical matters? Could you imagine reshaping those external circumstances to make having a baby possible? Sometimes, welcoming a child can bring new energy and motivation, giving your life a fresh sense of purpose. It might be worth exploring this perspective.
I’m unsure whether the relationship will last
Maybe you’re uncertain where the relationship is heading or whether you’re a good match. A pregnancy often puts a relationship to the test, making both partners wonder if this is the person they imagined as the father or mother of their baby. Most people hope for a stable and secure relationship, especially when it comes to taking responsibility for a child.
However, the circumstances at the start of a pregnancy aren’t always what you hoped for or would have planned. This is the time to think outside the box!
- What are your options in building a life with a child?
- In what ways could you take on your role as a father, even if you are no longer (or never were) a couple?
While it’s not always easy, many parents successfully navigate these kinds of arrangements. And who knows—sometimes, having a child can create a new sense of togetherness, showing you how well you can function as a team.
Alongside your initial concerns, you might also begin to identify positive aspects and new perspectives:
- Could a child bring something new and meaningful into your life?
- Might you have a hidden talent for fatherhood?
- Imagine your child being like you in many ways—perhaps sharing your passions, talents, or interests!
Daddy-to-Be: 6 Tips
Significant changes often require time to adjust and make the end goal more manageable by setting smaller goals along the way. Here are six tips to help you grow into your role as a father:
1.Make Her Pregnancy More Tangible to You
If possible, accompany your partner to doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds. The more real it feels, the easier it can be to connect with your role as a father.
2.Consider Your Heroes
Who is your role model? If it’s not your dad, perhaps another man has taught you important life lessons. What advice would he give you now, man to man?
3. Learn From Other Fathers
Talking to other dads can be incredibly helpful. If your friends are all single and childless, broaden your circle! Connect with neighbors, relatives, or acquaintances who already have kids and learn from their experiences.
4. Embrace Uncertainty
Hardly anyone feels 100% ready for parenthood. Growing into your role as a dad is a process. It’s okay to feel unsure or even doubt whether you’ll be a good father. Your child will love you unconditionally anyway.
Talking openly with your partner about your feelings and doubts can help her understand you better. Who knows? She might discern strengths in you that you haven’t recognized yet.
5. Support Your Partner
The early weeks of pregnancy can feel very different for men than for women, which can leave some partners unsure of how to help. How do I respond when she isn't feeling well? Is there anything I can do for her?
Your partner will appreciate it if you take care of her during this time and take on some of the tasks she might find challenging.
Be considerate if she’s struggling with nausea and patient with the mood swings that often come with hormonal changes.
Offer emotional support when doubts arise (which most women experience from time to time) and let her feel reassured that you’re there for her.
Take an active role in planning and helping—whether shopping for baby essentials or preparing for life with the baby. There’s a lot to prepare, and tackling these tasks together can become a meaningful and bonding experience for both of you.
6. Make Arrangements
- Make an essentials checklist so that your baby shower wishlist matches your needs.
- Think about how you would like to share the news with friends and family.
- Look into parental leave options and start planning the paperwork. Considering whether or when you can take time off may help you feel more organized and ready to be there for your partner and the baby.
What is there to be excited about?
As Friedrich describes, the bond between a father and child is truly special. Whether you’re expecting a girl or a boy, as a father, you play an essential role in your child’s life.
Alongside its mother, you can help prepare your child for life and support them in becoming a strong, confident individual. As your child grows and matures, your role as a dad will become even more significant. This brings both responsibility and a great deal of joy and fun! Many men describe getting to know their child’s personality, supporting and guiding them as they take their steps into life as a thrilling and fulfilling journey.
And in the process, many fathers rediscover the lightheartedness and joy of their own childhood...
