Do I Want Kids? – How Do I Discern the Right Path for Me?
- The reasons for having a baby are often considered before getting pregnant, especially when unsure whether to have kids.
- Parents often wonder whether to have more kids and what life would be like with another child.
- Maybe you are unexpectedly pregnant and wondering whether you want to keep the baby. While the pregnancy will likely bring some challenges, you still want to know good reasons for keeping the baby.
Why Have Kids?
Most people think about this question at some point, but few actually voice it out loud. Perhaps this is because, in the past, having kids was taken for granted. Children were part of life, even if adding (another) baby was challenging and involved making sacrifices. Still, in most cultures, children were considered essential in continuing the family business or name.
Today's family planning options have changed people's attitudes toward having children. Everyone is given the opportunity to shape their lives according to their preferences. While this is often considered a basic human right, it can also raise many questions.
Do I even want kids? Why have kids?—regardless of whether it was carefully planned or an unintended pregnancy. Why choose the effort and deal with all the chaos that comes with it? Is it worth dealing with the noise, tantrums, teenage years, piles of laundry, and dirty diapers? Despite all this, how come plenty of people still say, "This is exactly what I want! I’m so glad for each of my children!"?
Every mom and dad probably has their unique answer. Naming them all would make for a verrrrry long list 🥰. Here is what some of these parents said:
Apart from these positive aspects, you may be concerned about managing life with a child if you are still finishing your education, because of money issues, or because life can feel overwhelming… Or maybe you are wondering, "Why should I bring a child into this broken world? What kind of life would my child have?"
These are very understandable thoughts. They reveal your caring and steadfast heart that wants the best for her child! It is essential to approach family planning wisely by establishing the support needed to care for a baby. You do not have to do this alone; many support options are available for mothers and families. Thereby, challenges can be overcome.
Considering the future is human and responsible. But we can’t predict everything that tomorrow holds. Our responsibility is to take charge of the present. In order to do so, ask yourself: What are my accomplishments that have led me to where I am today? Could I always see what was ahead, or did I grow with the challenges? Could having a baby be that kind of opportunity—the chance to embrace the adventure of life and trust that everything can turn out well?
These questions are also covered on the page: Am I ready for a baby? When is the right time? Will I be a good mom?
Am I Ready for Another Baby?
Of course, the leap to child number one is the biggest, as it brings an entirely new responsibility, often turning one's current life upside down 🙃. Still, considering having another child will occupy both heart and mind.
Do I Want Another Baby?
Many parents start wondering, after their first child is born, whether and when to have baby number two. Having your first is a unique experience because you can give them your undivided attention, fully enjoy new motherhood, and learn many new skills. A common concern among parents of an only child is that they might not be able to give as much love and attention to the second child or be unable to meet the needs of the first child. It may encourage you to read how mothers of multiple children experience motherhood:
If you are wondering, "Am I ready for baby number two?" think about the value of having a brother or sister. Siblings are good for one another as they learn to share and walk through childhood together and are likely to be lifelong friends.
Many parents find that siblings help each other rather than always needing their mom and dad. Of course, it depends on the children’s ages and age gaps, but having siblings often makes daily life easier.
Am I Ready for a Third Kid?
You are already familiar with motherhood, with all its ups and downs. You have experienced sleepless nights and those profoundly fulfilling moments when your heart melts at your baby's smile. Maybe you long to experience it all over again, or you notice how you, as a family, have found your groove.
Many parents find that after the first two children, each additional child tends to "go with the flow" and "grow with the family." The family as a whole provides strong support; everyone already has their role, and things generally fall into place. But you might still have concerns about whether you can manage financially, how to multitask between work and family, or how others might respond. It’s not uncommon to feel pressured by societal reactions, especially since larger families are becoming less common. You might even feel like you have to justify having each additional child.
Whether to have a third child is often linked to many factors today, whereas having many children was more common in the past.
What You Can Do: Focus on the strengths, skills, and competencies you’ve already gained. Remember that you can shape motherhood in a way that suits you. Maybe you’re creative and spontaneous, or perhaps you’re thoughtful and organized?
Even if you’ve managed everything on your own so far, you always have the option to seek support or connect with other moms and families. Like-minded families often form a social network within their communities and are happy to welcome newcomers. You’re not alone! Advocate for your family and follow your heart!
Do We Want a Fourth Kid? Are We Ready for Number Five or More... 😊
You’re already a proud mother of multiple children and are familiar with the busy, joyful, and chaotic family life. You love it but are also aware of the strength, organization, and flexibility it requires. It never gets boring, and you’re always on your toes. What thoughts and feelings arise when you and your partner consider having another child?
Perhaps your children are becoming more independent, and now a surprise baby is on the way. Maybe you weren’t planning to start over but were looking forward to enjoying your newfound freedom or re-entering the workforce.
What makes you a great family manager? What skills have you gained through motherhood, and in what areas could you benefit from those skills?
Families with multiple children often have incredible strength and resilience; they can handle almost anything that comes their way. How could you arrange things to balance your various needs and desires? What kind of support might you need, perhaps even from external sources?
You deserve to follow your dreams, trust your motherly instincts, and seek support when needed!
Listening to Your Heart and Mind
Do I want a(nother) baby? Experiencing various thoughts and arguments for and against having another child is understandable. These show your sense of responsibility as you consider your relationship, current family dynamics, and how things would change to include another child. You want to care for everyone well.
Your thoughts may start feeling like a broken record, going in circles but leading nowhere. This often happens if you start comparing yourself to others, worry about their reaction, or feel pressured to have a picture-perfect family.
Sometimes, these thoughts can signal that some aspects still need to be considered and that your needs should not be overlooked. Still, don't allow fears to take over and dictate your path. It can be helpful to take a closer look at what is causing your anxiety or keeping you from feeling at ease. What needs might be behind those worries? And how can you address them? Have you also felt courage, confidence, and excitement emerge?
Listening to our gut will often show us the way. We can discern this whisper of the heart when we take a moment to calm down and set aside some of the louder thoughts. In these moments, it’s just about you—what matters to you in life, your deepest desires and aspirations… ✨
Taking one of our free tests may also help you discover who you are, what type of motherhood suits you, and what strengths you possess:
👥 Pregnancy Personality Test—What kind of mom will I be?
💪 What am I made of? What are my hidden talents? – Strengths Finder Test
You Are Not Alone!
Whether you are already a mother, don’t have children yet, want to become pregnant, or have been surprised by an unplanned pregnancy—you deserve to be heard. Your thoughts and feelings matter!
Maybe you already carry a lot on your shoulders and are always there for others. You give so much, even if not immediately recognized or appreciated. Predominantly women, rather than men, often deal with feelings of guilt while wanting to meet everyone’s needs. They wonder how to manage with a(nother) baby—especially because it affects their lives the most.
If you can relate or are facing resistance from others, it can be incredibly valuable to connect with other moms-to-be and take advantage of all the support options available!
We’ve also compiled a list of resources for you here:
Practical Support:
If the pregnancy was not planned:
When dealing with financial hardship:
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