Where to Go from Here? 4 Tips
👩❤️👨 Wondering what to do about your pregnancy from another man? Take the quiz here!
- Experiencing an unintended pregnancy resulting from an affair may feel like your world is falling apart. This frequently leads to conflicted feelings about the pregnancy, giving rise to the question of whether to keep the baby or have an abortion.
- Each situation is unique, and yet many women share the feeling of having hit a dead end. Several concerns may be weighing you down: Will everything be exposed now? How do I tell the baby's dad? What if I am left to raise the baby by myself?
- This article provides you with tips and ideas on finding a way through.
Pregnant by Another Man – Now What? – Quiz
Does this statement describe your current situation? Answer three multiple-choice questions and receive an immediate evaluation on your screen!
Four "First-Aid" Tips:
No matter the circumstances, a pregnancy will likely upset the status quo and call many things into question. The initial shock you experienced is probably followed by the fear of exposure, “I will be found out!” – while your heart and mind are racing at 100 miles a minute.
This is a time to put yourself first. This situation, first and foremost, affects you. Here are some practical tips on where to begin:
1. Take Time to Calm Down 🕰
Wait for the initial panic to subside. Fear almost always provides poor counsel. It can block out what is truly important to you.
Instead, press the pause button for a moment and escape the confusion of thoughts and emotions. You can do this by setting apart a few hours, or days. This may help you get back in touch with your true desires.
2. What Really Matters? 💎
What is of utmost importance to you? What values do you want to build your life upon moving forward?
Your current situation is what it is, but you are given the chance to respond according to your principles. Perhaps this challenging situation could even pose an opportunity to reevaluate and restructure your life?
3. Listen to Your Intuitions as Well as Your Mind ❤️
“The longest distance in the world is from your head to your heart.”
What direction do you feel your heart nudging you? Can you sense what catches your heart? Perhaps these emotions are worth pursuing... Because what is inside you is who you really are – your deepest emotions, goals, and values. These are what you want to build your life upon. Your feelings and longings are worth fighting for because they allow you to be true to yourself, genuine, and authentic. Perhaps now is the time to take an honest and loving look deep inside yourself and courageously put aside some of the "roles" or "masks" you have been putting on.
4. Entrust Yourself to Someone Who Cares 👥
Can you think of someone you can be real with – who is trustworthy and caring? Sharing your concerns can lighten your load. If you feel too ashamed or anxious, perhaps someone outside your circle could provide emotional support. Can you think of someone trustworthy to turn to?
If no one comes to mind, contact your local pregnancy resource centre for a listening ear!
Reasons for Having a Side Fling
There are manifold reasons for having an affair. Your lived experience, unique personality, and values each play a role. This also holds if you find yourself pregnant. The paths you may discern are unique to you.
It might have all started with a flirtatious comment, because you felt in tune with him. Or you let go of your inhibitions at a party, where alcohol was involved. Or maybe you were actively seeking diversion. The beginning of a relationship is often marked by overpowering emotions. You are attracted to each other and feel invigorated by your time together.
Everything may have also begun more subtly and gradually. Maybe your context required a lot of interaction (e.g., at work). This allowed you to become more deeply acquainted, and a mutual attraction began to develop. Perhaps you started experiencing something that was lacking in your relationship.
This may have led to a situation you had never imagined. And yet, affairs may be more common than you thought. According to the 2024 Gitnux Marketdata Report, 36% of people admit to having an affair with their co-worker. This does not necessarily mean that one’s official relationship is unhappy or distant. Many women don't want to lose their partner.
Types of Affairs
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Was it a one-time fling – or has the secret relationship been going on for a while? Perhaps you had wanted to break off the affair for some time. Or maybe he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Each of these possible scenarios has one thing in common. You are trying to keep it a secret. The fear that your partner might find out is ever-present. And to top it all off, you find yourself pregnant with another man’s baby.
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Perhaps the situation is reversed: You did not cheat on your partner, but you are the affair. The guy is in a permanent relationship – but romantic sparks have been flying between you. He may have been telling you for quite some time that he is planning to leave her, but has never acted upon it.
If you are reading this, you are probably familiar with this scenario. You may have stumbled into this constellation, not realising he was already taken. Or perhaps you were fully aware of what you were getting into. Holding onto the hope that your relationship could become official, you may have been willing to keep going. And suddenly, you are confronted with a surprise pregnancy...
What Are My Options?
A) Keep the Pregnancy a Secret – a Quiet Truth
You may desire to avoid causing your partner pain by shielding him from the truth. You may also fear the repercussions of being found out.
Considering a quick fix — covering everything up by having an abortion — Is that perhaps your first impulse? Are you anxiously hoping that everything could revert to the way it was?
If you chose an abortion, this would always remain part of his and your story, even if it remains a secret. It is impossible to know the extent to which this silent truth will affect you and your relationship from here on out – covertly impacting you.
Every woman and each couple experiences this differently. Another aspect to consider is how you would deal with an abortion without being able to share it with your partner.
It may be helpful to explore the possible implications and consider what outcome you would feel most at peace with.
B) Keep the Baby – Keep the Secret
If you are the affair, would it be possible to discretely seek workable solutions with the baby's father over the coming months? What could the future look like for each of you?
Are you the one who is having the side-fling? If you do not want to jeopardise your relationship, you may be thinking about pretending that the lovechild is his. Without knowing the truth, he would assume that he is the father.
Some women choose to take this route. According to the Journal of Epidemiology, DNA studies have revealed that almost 1 in 25 children are biologically fathered by someone other than the man who is believed to be the father.
Of course, the weight of bearing the burden of this secret is indeterminable in advance. Still, some women are willing to have a "cuckoo's child" to preserve their relationship or keep the family together.
At the same time you may feel guilty about not telling your partner the truth.
In deciding what to do, ask yourself how vital truthfulness is to you. How significant is this value to your partner? How strongly is honesty intertwined with trust and love?
C) Keep the Baby – Return to Truthfulness
Maybe you have had enough of all the secrecy. Perhaps you feel suffocated by the continual lies and excuses necessary to cover up the initial misstep – and now you long to be unburdened by truthfulness – to experience the lightheartedness of living without fear of discovery.
This pregnancy and the baby could be an opportunity to start over – but it will take great courage on your part. Because, at this point, you do not know how your partner will react. It may take a while for him to come to terms with it, requiring patience on your part.
Experience has repeatedly shown that starting over is possible, even in a troubled relationship. And years later, no one would suspect its rocky beginning...
Facing This Situation and Unsure?
Did this article touch on something you are experiencing? Are you pregnant and searching for the way forward that matches your values and desires? We would be privileged to walk alongside you by providing you with free unbiased digital coaching.
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