Unintended Pregnancy — Common Questions Answered

An unplanned pregnancy can initially turn your world upside down and place you on an emotional roller coaster. At the same time, your mind is probably reeling from the many unanswered questions. This article aims to address your main concerns. We are here for you!

The Key Facts at a Glance

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Quick Answers Quiz

This is your Quick Answers Kit, designed to help you catch your breath and recenter yourself. This quiz can also provide guidance in considering your next steps.

1/7 My initial reaction to the pregnancy:

1. Can You Get Pregnant with Contraception?

Yes, it is possible to get pregnant while using contraceptives. No form of contraception is 100% effective. Even if you follow the directions perfectly, your method of contraception is still statistically proven to fail in a percentage of cases.

Personal circumstances also play a role in the effectiveness of contraceptives. A stomach virus could render your birth control pill ineffective. Other medications, such as antibiotics, could cancel out the pill. Condoms can be defective or torn. Therefore, pregnancies can happen despite contraception. Should your period be late, you would be well advised to take a home pregnancy test in order to be sure.

2. Unplanned Pregnancy — Now What?

Finding out you are pregnant can come as a real shock. Especially when the pregnancy was unintended, reactions can differ significantly: joy or fear, despair or the feeling that this may have happened for a reason. Each scenario homes in on the same thought, 'What do I do now?'

The following post might resonate with you:
'My pregnancy was absolutely unplanned, and I was totally shocked and confused... I am a very structured and organised individual whose world was turned completely upside down.'
Planeringoeswild, Profemina forum

This state of confusion is completely normal and understandable. Your hormonal changes that mark early pregnancy are the primary culprit. Emotions usually stabilise, along with your hormone levels, a few weeks into the pregnancy.

👥 What is my pregnancy personality, and what hidden potential can I fall back on right now? Take the test!

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Perhaps you are facing the question of whether to have an abortion. Even though you may desire to make a decision as quickly as possible — so that you can 'put things behind you' — it would make sense to wait it out, anticipating that you will be able to think much more clearly just a few weeks down the road.

Many women are glad to have taken the time for their emotional chaos to settle so they could look back on their decision with no regrets.

3. I Am Pregnant, and the Timing is Not Right…

Perhaps your career plans or personal goals do not include a baby right now. Maybe you wanted to have a baby one day, but not now. Or perhaps you find yourself in a complicated situation…

There are many reasons why this might not seem like the best time.

Has this pregnancy taken you completely off guard? Had you been occupied with other things, which now seem pointless?

More than ever, this is a time to take a step back to get a better view of the path you want to take. What would match your values and priorities? Could this be an opportunity to re-orientate your life? Could this surprise be a blessing in disguise?

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4. I Am Pregnant, and My Partner Does Not Want the Baby

Of course, you would want your boyfriend or husband to stand by you in such a time as this. But instead, he gives you the cold shoulder and seems dismissive, or even aggressive. Unfortunately, this initial reaction to an unplanned pregnancy is common. Remember these two things: 1) You are not responsible for his reactions. 2) His reaction does not mean he is not 'the one.'

Men have a completely different understanding of pregnancies than women — even if the pregnancy was planned. Just like you, your partner may be in shock — but he does not have the advantage of experiencing any physical changes. The matter remains more abstract to him. He may also interpret the news as an unspoken expectation; that he would now be responsible for you and the baby — an overwhelming supposition.

But it is possible for him to grow into this role. In counselling, we have seen time and time again how a sceptical boyfriend or husband transformed into a loving father. He just needed more time.

🧔🏻‍♂️ How do I respond if he does not want the baby? — Take the Test

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Are you wondering how other women's relationships were affected by their pregnancies? This is how 'Ardni' describes her husband's initial reaction on the Profemina forum:
'My husband was thrown for a loop, and we had a huge argument; he didn't want the baby! I was devastated! Was he right? How were we going to make it work? Especially regarding finances...'
– Find out how 'Ardni' responded by visiting our German forum and auto translating the page.


5. Pregnant from an Affair — Now What?

You are pregnant – but sure that your husband or boyfriend is not the dad? It would be normal to feel like your whole world was falling apart. You may be afraid that this is how you will be found out.

Even though a pregnancy gets thrown into the mix while you are involved with two men, know: it is your choice. You may feel very conflicted right now, but several reasonable solutions exist for you and your men.

  • 👩‍❤️‍👨Pregnant By Another Man — Now What? Take the Test

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6. Pregnant and Single

Are you pregnant and not planning on being in a relationship with the dad? Or are you already a single mom and expecting another baby? Understandably, this would raise many questions for you. You may also be concerned about how you would manage to take care of everything.

Many women share these concerns. 'Wunder 2016,' for example, writes in the Profemina forum about her experience after undergoing separation while pregnant:
'I am struggling with the thought of going through this pregnancy alone and giving birth without support. I don’t think seeing all the proud dads will be easy. But I choose not to dwell on that YET.'
– 'Wunder 2016' in the Profemina forum

Concerning yourself with today, rather than overly worrying about tomorrow, is an excellent move.

You may find it helpful to realise that 'single' need not be equated with 'alone.' Even if the dad is not in the picture, you can enjoy close relationships with friends and family and receive the practical support you need.

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Are you wondering how to handle everything and where to get help?

7. Pregnant in a Difficult Situation

A surprise pregnancy can send you into a major tailspin. The circumstances may not feel right or might even pose significant challenges. Your lived situation is as unique as you are.

This probably means that your situation cannot be compared to that of others. Does this cause you to feel overwhelmed or alone?

We have compiled some articles on several possible scenarios. Do any of them speak to your situation? Feel free to check out our homepage for more options.

8. Anxious and Unsure What to Do?

Are you pregnant and wondering how to manage and where to go from here? Perhaps you are considering abortion.

Or maybe you would like to know how best to adjust to this new situation and prepare for the coming months of pregnancy and beyond.

You are not alone! Allow us to walk alongside you! Our free digital coaching service was created with you in mind. Take advantage of any support which helps you find your footing. You are worth it! 💚

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