Thinking It Through: Reasons Not to Have an Abortion

Abortions interfere with the body’s natural processes and are, therefore, accompanied by physical risks.

In rare cases, abortions can lead to injuries, causing permanent damage to the mucous membrane, the cervix or the uterus.

Abortion results in the fact that this child will never be born. You will neither get to know them nor experience the many joys of motherhood (at least not as it relates to this child).

If contemplating this is painful, you have just been given a powerful argument against abortion — deciding against your own intuition is likely to leave a mark.

Turning back time: You or your partner may hope that, after the abortion, everything will revert to the way it was before the pregnancy.

Unfortunately, counselling experience teaches us otherwise. The fact that you had been pregnant will always remain — regardless of whether you decide to continue the pregnancy or not. You can look at it this way: the fundamental change has already occurred; your choice lies in what you do with it.

Our decisions impact us. They are ever present and shape our identity. Therefore, it is impossible to go back to the way things were.

If you feel that abortion is the only way to escape external pressures, this actually counts as an argument against it. In other words, being pressured is not an argument in support of abortion.

By law, you have the right to make this decision on your own. Your feelings and conscience should not be overrun by others’ opinions because you will be the one who has to carry out the choice. No matter how you choose, you will have to live with the consequences. Use the freedom you are given!

Not every woman feels emotional repercussions immediately after an abortion — but some experience long-term psychological strain, such as deep sadness or the sense of having made an irreversible mistake. These consequences can impact women for months or even years.

During counselling, many women share about feeling an inner reluctance or hesitance when considering an abortion.

Perhaps you do, too — something just does not feel right about it:

• Sometimes, women have compelling dreams just before the scheduled abortion appointment.

• Others feel physically sick at the thought of having an abortion.

• Again, others experience intense emotions, such as a sense of heaviness or tightness, when considering an abortion. Feelings of anxiety may arise.

Don’t ignore these outward representations of your innermost convictions when making important decisions. These gentle nudges reveal your inner compass, pointing you to your true north.

Perhaps your partner wants you to have an abortion. He may have even hinted or told you that you must choose between him and the baby. If you decide to have an abortion because of the pressure your partner is putting you under or to not lose him, your relationship will probably not emerge unscathed. An abortion 'for his sake' will likely also take its toll on you personally.

Unfortunately, by having an abortion, many relationships fail because of the very decision that was supposed to save them.

Take into consideration that men need time to come to terms with this new situation. Their demands are often just knee-jerk reactions to their concerns about the pregnancy. Gradually, many fathers will show responsibility by providing the desired support when given sufficient time. This opportunity is lost when an abortion is chosen.

In addition to the possible effects on your relationship, the decision to have an abortion may also change the dynamic with other family members. Even young children are often in tune with what is going on — even though we think they are well shielded. It is safe to assume that most children have a sense of what has taken place and feel the after-effects.

Mothers and infants usually share a very tight bond, causing children to intuitively know what their mother is feeling. A deep-seated insecurity may spread among the siblings, stemming from a hazy sense of what has occurred. The mother’s grief over the family’s 'vacant space' can be passed on to them — because, whatever the mother feels, the children also feel.

Could you imagine having a(nother) child one day, but this does not seem to be the right timing? In this case, you (and your partner) may view the current situation very differently in the long run. Your outlook may change over the course of several years — or it may change soon after making the decision, when hormone levels begin to stabilise…

When you feel too focused on one detail, it may be helpful to take a step back and look at things from a different perspective. Imagine an older you speaking into the decision you are making today. What would you say?